Un-Hibernating

So here's the question: how does one... un-hibernate?

I went quiet. And I would love to tell you that I came back with the lesson. Like I disappeared to do the work, and now here's the tidy version, wrapped up nice. But I don’t have that for you.

What actually happened is I needed a season of cozy and quiet. Not adventure, not expansion, none of the big bold stuff this site usually does. Just still. Small. Close to home. I fought it for awhile trying to be the future version of myself that I wanted to be. But reality is….I think I actually needed it. And I gave myself permission to take it instead of white-knuckling through. It had some benefits. I really took a season to focus on work and to focus on myself and just letting me be me. And now here I am, loving work again and ready to be the version of myself that I keep imagining.

Here's the harder part. I'm past that season now. Or I want to be. I want to be adventuring again…going places, trying things, actually being out in my life instead of tucked inside it. Turns out switching gears is a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Nobody warns you that wanting to want something is its own weird place to get stuck in. I figured "ready" would feel like a door swinging open. It doesn't. It feels like standing in front of the door, hand basically on the handle, still not moving.  And the hardest part is not being able to trust the voice in your head, that says maybe another day of rest and we will do the thing tomorrow….or next week.

This site went quiet through all of that. I'm not going to tell you I was quietly holding the thread somewhere else this whole time, still showing up, just not here. I wasn't. The quiet was real. It was total. And honestly that feels truer than pretending I never really left. I lost myself in books and shows and hobbies. I learned things. I got my attention span back.

So this is me. No answer, just the actual shape of where I'm at: peeking out of the cozy season, looking for my next season, trying to manufacture some pull toward adventure because I know it's not going to just show up on its own. Coming back here is part of that. A small, deliberate shove toward being someone who goes and does and explores again, instead of someone who got really, really good at staying home.

Anyway. I'm asking for real: how does one un-hibernate? Asking as someone still figuring it out in real time. I don't have the answer yet (obviously). If you do, or if you're stuck at your own door too, I'd like to hear it.